Ok I can’t take credit for this goodness but some of them are so true I may add some sizzle to some of them as well:
– Even when opportunity knocks, you still have to get off your ass and open the door.
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. (SO TRUE)
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. (In fact I used to tell my overworked mother sleep is for the weak, man is Karma going to be a bitch!!!)
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. (So true, even in real life as I speak I wish the sarcasm font would come out of my mouth)
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (ok this I know, get a cuban mom you’ll learn)
6. Was learning cursive really necessary? (total waste of time)
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. (and those first five are usually wrong, this is why I call my GPS Piss off)
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this - ever. (I think dry cleaning is a plot by the government to ruin society)
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away? (Pisses me off so much)
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. (now that I live in LA totally happens wayyyy too much)
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. (to be clear I would rather carry 10 in each arm shove one in the backpack and one in my mouth than make 2 trips)
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. (happens more than I will ever admit)
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. ( think that but really I know and I just tell myself this is hunger)
25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. (unless I’m on a bike, but even then other cyclists annoy me)
31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. (And then I look at my blackberry and am still confused)
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!